Dating hot and cold guy tools of the trade speed dating with books
In my mind, I would get involved with someone, incidentally who I probably didn’t even like that much, and they would be blowing seriously hot and then ‘something about me’ would make them become unavailable and start blowing lukewarm or cold.
I believed that they were great guys offering great relationships and that if it weren’t for my flaws, they’d still be the same guys I’d or been led to believe that they were offering.
I guess I still have it in my head that that's "normal" for us and I still am a little curious when he doesn't come online for a few days. So, being in my situation I have realized I can either stay with him or never talk to him again. However, if you feel he is playing you..whatever then turn the tables on him and try to be less available to him. I definitely would not get sexually intimate with him again until he changed this hot/cold behavior.
If you’ve ever been in an unavailable relationship, you’re likely as familiar with blowing hot and cold as you are with your own reflection.
It’s gone from intense and gradually or very sharply cooled down. Your relationship will not be able to have balance, it can’t progress because they keep undermining it, they’re inconsistent (and if you stay around too long they become consistent at being inconsistent and train you to expect less from them), and as a result of all of these things, you cannot expect intimacy When you won’t give them the time of day or they don’t know if you’re interested or they don’t know if you’re ‘buying’ what they’re ‘selling’ (read: a relationship and a person that’s not actually available), the lack of control makes .
This lack of control causes them to overestimate their interest and their capacity for a relationship and they do this by Future Faking and Fast Forwarding you through the early stages of the relationship.
The promises, the thinly veiled hints about things they see you both doing in the future and the intensity, blinds you to paying attention to red flags and sweeps you off your feet.
Once you end up playing this game and realising that cutting them off, threatening to end it, mentioning that you’re seeing others etc makes them step up, albeit only for a short time until they realise that you’re back under their control, you’re trying to mess with supply and demand. Keep doing these things in order to get attention from them?